Tuesday, January 28, 2003 09:47 p.m.
Kitty's got her limbs in bandages. It started off as a wound but now it's an infection. She has always been weak, Chelsea. Ever since she was a kitten. And the amounts we have to pay for her trips to vets are quite alarming. It's all very sad. She kept crying/whining at the vet because of what I suspect was a very bad experience she had with an idiotic vet last week. I hope my parents report him to the SPCA.
Mass run today (mind over matter, yes). And it's going to be another long day tomorrow at rehearsals. More memorizing to do, more melodrama, more pseudo crying. Yay?
Saturday, January 25, 2003 11:43 a.m.
I wish I had time for shopping! And more money would be helpful too. But nooo, school ends so late every day. Ah well. At least I got to go to the cemetery yesterday! No, no one died- I was just playing the role of assistant, companion and all round good girlfriend! Haha. The filming was part of a video project. I was thinking, well, one day we'll all just be one of the many fading faces on a tombstone, with overgrowing weeds and broken angel pieces. I wanted to visit my grandfather's grave, at the beautiful lawn cemetery but it was getting late. Pity. Well, the only major gripe I have is that the place is infested with mosquitoes!
Thursday, January 23, 2003 10:50 p.m.
His cherubs glide and plant kisses on my lips,
while fairies whispered his sweet song in my ear.
Everyone's falling ill. I should sleep earlier, before 12 or something. And get well soon to my most favourite person in the whole wide world!! :) Hope you're fine by the time you read this!
Tuesday, January 21, 2003 1:16 p.m.
At home, I listen to the vocals of grown up boys on the guitar. He strums, he sings, and something in me turns. My cat nurses her wound, her eyes devoid of life. Her body rises and falls, the only rhythm in her lifeless body. My heart is emptied, and I thirst.
Cough, spit, vomit. I search for words within me, but there's none.
Sunday, January 19, 2003 12:05 a.m.
JC life is a one mad rush and one total bore all at the same time. I do like my school, my class and even my life as a student now does evoke a couple of postive emotions. Yet, at the most unsuspecting moments, when my mind quietens down and I'm left alone with my thoughts, I cannot help but feel a sense of loneliness. In a crowd, I see familiar faces, faces I can put a name to, but it ends there, an abrupt halt to my knowledge of that person. Beyond that face, I know nothing. Walking in a labyrinth, each person is curious to discover what lies beyond the walls of smiles. Some walls crumble, and the maze is simplified, and a light soon leads to an exit. Others remain unmoved, the labyrinth is unsolved, the exit is not found and the mystery is never revealed.
Wednesday, January 15, 2003 01:01 p.m.
I excused myself from school this morning; my self declared rest day it shall be. I'm sick, yes, I'm down with the flu. It has been a busy week, hence the lack of updates. I come back home after 9, sometimes later and most of the time I'm just longing to get some sleep the moment I step into the house. School isn't as exciting anymore- maybe it never was and I was only deluding myself when I said it was so. The novelty of being a 'freshie' at junior college just dies off after a while. However, I still want to endeavour to be a good student. I think.
I'm wondering if I should go out later in the day. Might want to head down town and collect some Biotherm freebies and 2 dresses I sent for alteration. However, I'm just too lazy to make a trip there! How I wish I could drive! It's just so convenient, especially for a lazy person like me. Public transportation is just so slow sometimes. And all that walking in the hot sun! Oh and since I'm already ranting, I might as well do the same about yesterday's PE! Honestly, I felt like I had a bad case of asthma after all that running and what not. While I laid on my back, waiting for the PE instructor to give the command (those harsh words!) for the next sets of push ups and sit ups, the clouds above me seemed to twirl in a surreal manner. The sky surrounded me, almost devouring me into it's cotton whirl of blue and white.
Yet, it was good. I ought to get more exercise anyway. There's swimming tomorrow morning and no, I'm not looking forward to wearing just one layer of lycra on my body! The humiliation! Okay, that's it, I'm going to make a decision. I shall pry myself from this comfortable position and make myself useful, or at least make it seem like I am doing so anyway.
Monday, January 6, 2003 10:03 p.m.
I can't sustain any long conversations. Some people make friends really easily, and I guess I'm just not one of them. Surely I can make aquaintances, but friendship itself is a far different matter. Maybe I'm just not the sort to talk to a person one on one just after I met him/her. It's just not me; I run out of things to talk about, my mind freezes. It just makes me want to run home, run back into the arms of someone who knows me, someone who doesn't need me to introduce myself, to tell them what I like and don't like, someone who doesn't need me to crack jokes so as to break the tension that strangers so often experience. I'm not the sort of person who is able to make conversation out of anything, to anyone. Does this make me shy, boring, crazy or all of the above? It's not that I don't like to meet new people, it's just that I sometimes don't know how to respond. I don't know how long I'm supposed to hold eye contact for, how I should smile, where I should even place my hands! Is it just me or do I seriously have a social problem? No, honestly, I am not an outcast, as yet. In fact, I guess people around me know me best as a slightly off the hook, fun loving school girl. Not that I'm not all of that, but maybe I'm just a bit more. I'm just someone who doesn't open up easily to people I don't know. But that's really okay, it's nice to be known as "the happy girl", "the innocent girl", "the Holy Valance". Yeah, whatever rocks your boat. The truth is that I am easily intimidated, I mind what people think, so as a defence, I usually choose to keep quiet, or hide behind a facade of enthusiasm. (since that's what normal people seem to be) Okay, maybe not intimidated, not to that extent anyway. Of course sometimes I do feel enthusiastic about things, but sometimes I just want to be silent, and I want people to be silent with me. Selfish, but true.
That aside, I'm going to study, study, study. How successful is that going to be? Well, only time can tell. Perhaps improving on my social skills can take a step back. I don't need to be over enthusiastic about things to make me seem like a normal person worth befriending. I can be quiet, shy, boring, lame, silly, childish, funny, friendly if I so choose to be. All I can say is, deal with it.
Sunday, January 5, 2003 07:14 p.m.
I actually can't wait to go to school! Coming from me that might sound unbelivable, but it's true. I used to be anti orientation, anti school, anti cheers, anti mass dances. I guess people change, and if I actually feel happier about it, well that can't be wrong can it? Go Aquila!!! :D
Thursday, January 2, 2003 11:54 p.m.
It's proven, I have two left feet. No, I can't shake my bootie while dancing the mass dance. In fact, remembering the various steps is quite a challenge in itself. Especially since it was learnt right after lunch. (read: nap time, kids) Making new friends went pretty smoothly. I decided to begin this school year with a positive outlook. I want it to last. I don't want to give up, don't want to repeat my mistakes. I don't want to be afraid and hide behind the mask of indifference. It's so much easier that way, and very tempting too. I just feel like I lack that strength, that determination to break free from my comfort zone. Okay, I need to start using more optimistic words.
Hopefully my little bubble of newfound excitment won't burst just yet. Oh and I like my subject combination. No chinese! You hear that? No more ploughing through cheng yus and what have you. Well, sleep beckons, I've got a long day ahead of me.
Wednesday, January 1, 2003 11:51 p.m.
I've just came home from the loveliest wedding dinner I've attended so far. The jazz band played my all time favourite wedding songs, The Way You Look Tonight being one of them. It was really quite a big event and even the president and several ministers were there. The entire ballroom was decorated in white, silver and gold. It was beautiful, very much of what I've dreamed to be the ideal wedding dinner! Also, I found out much more about my paternal side of the family tree and it reminded me of something from a Hong Kong drama serial. Wealth, politics, rivalry, a preferance for males etc. Anyhow, I shouldn't get too carried away. School starts tomorrow and you bet I'm a bundle of mixed emotions. No more sleeping till 2pm.
Wednesday, January 1, 2003 10:17 a.m.
I braided my hair before sleeping last night, so now I have temporary wavy hair (which I think is soon turning straight again..drats) I love Sarah Jessica Parker's (phew) super big and wavy hair in SATC! But my hair is straight now, so I'll have to make do. It's not like I could carry off the whole look-at-me-I-have-beautiful-big-and-wavy-hair-that-just-shouts-New-York-chic!And straight hair is easier to manage anyway. I'm not mad about straight hair but with thick and unruly hair like mine, its probably the only practical option I have left. Or am I just a typical Singaporean girl with straight hair? Shudder.
Well, the reason why I'm up so early and all dressed up at that, is I'm off to a wedding this morning. I don't know the couple who's getting married, but I'm going, simply because I love weddings! Is it just me or are that TONS of mosquitoes here? Well, I digress.
Tuesday, December 31, 2002 04:23 p.m.
Just something that I don't usually do - an online survey, which just proves how bored I am on this New Year's eve. (taken from Boon, who took this from Holly.)
YOU
name: mab, the queen of fairies, or otherwise.
d.o.b.: 30 march
location: singapore
religion: christian
occupation: student
hair: black with brown highlights. a little too straight now but it beats my dry and frizzy hair anytime.
eyes: pools of black
height: short, i think. oh wait, lets make that petite, just to be politically correct.
clothing: anything from laid back casual to all girl glam, just because. but i'm absolutely mad about carrie bradshaw's outfits in sex and the city. go vintage!
music: oldies, jazz, acapella, nothing loud.
make up: depends on the occasion. usually foundation and lipgloss. blush if i feel dressy (which is 1/2 of the time, heh) and i love my mascara and shu uemera curler too, heh.
bodyart: nope. just plain jane's ear piercings.
RIGHT NOW
wearing: very large wallace and gromit tee shirt i usually sleep in. i woke up at 2 today. heh
listening to: uh, the bee gees lol.
thinking of: i should go out today, but there's nothing to do but shop (to beat the increase in GST). and guess what? i don't quite feel like shopping.
bought: most recently, cute topshop undies, got to love them and awaiting particular body shop sales
ate & drank: tom yam noodles for lunch and water
read: most recently, Jane Eyre which I swear is the most romantic novel I've read so far. the dark and sardonic Mr Rochester, the young, passionate Jane. it's simply the best.
watched on tv: hmm, most recently fear factor. zzz.
LAST PERSON YOU...AND WHEN?
touched: daryl
talked to: beatrice
hugged: daryl
instant messaged: samuel, i think?
who broke your heart: what a long time ago
HAVE YOU EVER
Dated one of your best friends? oops, bad move.
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? i suppose
Drank alcohol? yeah, it was a weird night.
Done drugs? no, and never.
Broken the law? oops again. but not anymore, i'm a good girl now.
Ran away from home? for half a night
Broken a bone? nope
Cheated on a test? another oops
Skinny dipped? i was a little girl then. its not legal, is it?
Played Truth Or Dare? yeah. fun girly games. hmm, but not anymore.
Flashed someone? uh, but was flashed at though.
Kissed someone you didn't know? not in reality.
Been on a talk show/game show? nope, although i want to be a millionare.
Been in a fight? yeah sure, minus the cat fights
Ridden in a fire truck? why would i?
Been on a plane? yeah, and with nice movies too. i get the watch all the ra shows, lol
Come close to dying? maybe
Gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride? dont think so
Eaten a worm? i sure hope not
Swam in the ocean? and loved it
Had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up? always do
WHAT IS
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? a spice girls single? i didn't listen to CDs much.
Your bedroom like? rather boring, and small at that. but i have a comfy queen sized bed all to myself, so i'm not complaining.
Your favorite thing for breakfast? can't think of any now! oh but theres this nice cream puff shop at east coast.
Your favorite thing for lunch? depends on my mood
Your favorite thing for dinner? same as 'lunch', but i usually like italian, thai etc. and of course chinese food too.
Your favorite Restaurant? maxim, a dim sum restaurant and a dessert restaurant (can't remember the name), both in Hong Kong. i went mad over tang yuans!
ARE YOU
A Vegetarian?: i once wanted to be vegan, but gave up.
A Good Student?: no, but hopefully next year
Good At Sports?: i wish
A Good Singer?: sadly, i don't quite think so. but practicing while in the shower helps.
a good actor? my mum once said i was a good actress. but that was part of a nasty quarrel we had.
A deep sleeper?: quite so. unless i'm over anxious about something.
A Good Dancer?: i wish! i want to learn to salsa though. but with two left feet, i'm skeptical.
Shy?: a complete wallflower with strangers
Outgoing?: once again, it depends on the crowd. with close friends, i'm quite happy to be all mad and crazy. am completely different with a crowd of people i don't know though.
A good storyteller?: no, i'm pretty boring i think. i can't even tell jokes to save my life.
Last words?: well, here's to a happy new year. enjoy.
Friday, December 27, 2002 03:30 a.m.
There is a flying ant on my keyboard. This is a sign for me to get my butt off this chair and get some sleep.
Friday, December 27, 2002 12:42 a.m.
Boxing day - the perfect day to go shopping, since all the year end sales have just started. Material bliss, although I only bought a black thong and for a mere $6 at that. More shopping to come, I've even set reminders in my handphone for specific sales. Hardcore, eh. Met up with my primary school mates for dinner at one of their houses. I think I've forgotten how to be little Miss Sociable, but I'll try. I'll have to learn soon anyway. It was really nice though, reminising, watching tv, eating and playing cards. All in all, it was a great day.
On a sidenote, I found two baby crabs the size of my pinky's nail in my spaghetti during my Christmas dinner. To put it bluntly, it was disgusting! Lost my apetite there and then. Fortuntately, we had some really good ice cream for dessert. Vanilla ice cream in a cream bun, topped with strawberries doused in whipped cream and hot fudge. Yes, what a sweet, sweet Christmas.
Thursday, December 26, 2002 01:23 a.m.
Santa baby, I've been an awful good girl, so hurry down the chimney tonight. I'll do a Marilyn Monroe. Maybe I should give up the (naive, very naive) idea that I'll get some good kissing under the mistletoe. Not that I really mind.. :)
Tuesday, December 24, 2002 04:20 a.m.
Wide eyed child, the sound of rain falling on the pavement, the stillness of the night, the trees that remain unmoved by the outburst of great emotion. From the clouds, sympathetic drops of water, quenching the sojourner. An expression of love from the heavens- that which I can hear, but cannot see. Enshrouded in darkness, the raindrops are invisible, outside my window everything remains as it was, stone-cold, tranquil.
Tuesday, December 24, 2002 01:43 a.m.
At the beach today, observing intertwined lovers frolicking in the sea. I'm not a voyeur. So I wrote this. Romance, passion.
torrid lovers underwater,
smeared passion and salt,
a lacerating pain in his wounds.
crystalline drops of water from
one soul's murky window.
a single entity, two estranged hearts,
submerged. a sodden spirit
damp with aphrodisia,
an insatiable desire, a saturated poison
of complete yearning. his skin, his face.
anemic lovers, so frail and dependant.
victims of their own fantasies,
martyrs for an unknown destiny,
immersed in their own secret elysium.
his tears, a crimson drop of ink
spreads to the abysmal chasms.
it lingers- buried, hidden
in the crevices of her troddened heart.
she clings onto a disease,
fingers clasped behind his neck,
kissing the tears from his eyes,
entwined with the waves of emotion.
sweet night embrace this romance,
wrap your warm and gentle arms around
this tender moment.
be a refuge for the weary ones,
afflicted in a private war submerged.
