[ this is unacceptable! ]
Friday, December 5, 2003
* i just re-read this. and well, its really quite a bo-liao entry. i think i was really bored.
this is terrible. i actually listened to limp bizkit and all the other similar sounding preppy metal bands last night. well, a little more than just listen to. i think i must detoxify myself now with some jazz. please jazz, please heal me! strange voices are playing in my head till now! isn't this punishment enough? heh. at least it was somewhat amusing. how cute, they even played lemon tree. HAHA. man that was such a laugh. well. totally knocked out at ping's place though. i remember watching parts of i am sam before i concussed, contact lenses still in my eyes. yeowch. c'est terrible. haha. we should have more girls night outs! especially come christmas! :) i can't wait for my nice smelling present, BOON! HAHA. oh and i just registered for SATS. it's gonna be on chinese new year! how auspicious. i think i shall wear red when i take my SATS. :D i know i know i know, it's a little later than all my peers. but i knew i couldn't make it in time for the december one, so there you go. i think i'm gonna catch a movie later on. as well as go alter my velour pants. and maybe go check out some CDs. by the way, i am really broke. and yes, that's a hint. ;)
11:56 a.m. ][
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[ c'est la mode! ]
Tuesday, December 2, 2003
charms by the bay! that's where i got my charm bracelet from! the shop photographed in the website's the one i was at! it's fantastic because their selection of charms is HUGE, i mean, we're talking rows and rows of different charms! and they're all so pretty, personalizing mine took ages cause i just couldn't choose!
and i saw jelly kellys in nyc! haha. but they were selling on the streets, so definitely non-auth. but still way cute. didn't get them though! cause i thought i'd be able to find them again at another street, but well, it didn't happen. the colours were all so delicious in pinks and blues! but hey, i saw the real Hermes kelly bag in hong kong. it's crazy, i can't believe anyone would pay that sort of money for a bag! speaking of bags, the latest collection from Dior (don't like the tacky white flowers and the "1" at the side though!) and LV shouts PINK! so legally blonde, so girly and so not within my budget. another thing, i know this sounds crazy, but i didn't buy anything, save for a tub of Nuxe honey lip balm when i went to Sephora! that's cosmetic mecca for you. now, that place is amazing! but of course, i didn't have that sort of money to splurge.. so. amanda, if you ever read this, please don't kill me for not getting anything! heh. for now, just seeing them and trying on stuff was good enough. till next time, Sephora. :)
okay. i'm quite done with all this fashion talk. haha. this is crazy.
11:17 p.m. ][
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[ american dreams ]
Sunday, November 30, 2003
sorry to disappoint, but i did not have that 1 night affair with a strange man in a foreign land. somewhat of a cliched fantasy of meeting that someone in a faraway place. he'll know me by some esoteric, exotic sounding name. and i'll know him by his rustic accent, his dark brown eyes.
i think i've watched too much american tv.
oh yes! we were in this chinese restaurant in nyc, and you know how they give out fortune cookies after the meal? well, mine went something like, "you will have a romantic encounter tonight". haha. hmm, i'm sure. especially when the only people i knew in the city were my family and 2 american ladies we had dinner with. sigh, why did it have to bring up my hopes like that? that night, i stayed up late, waiting for that glimmer of hope as i watched strangely, and rather embarrasingly addictive tv shows like the rich girls and date rate. heh.
oh and i got my hair cut in hong kong. it's the same style i had when i was 7. go figure. about the hair cut, i thought, why not? hong kongers have such an interesting sense of style anyway. most of us singaporeans are much duller in comparison. little clones down orchard road. oops. well well. its the month of december and i think i'll have loads of time to myself. although i'll probably end up mulling at home. and occasionally fighting pangs of guilt from the lack of brain activity especially in the math department.
everything just feels so weird when you have nothing interesting to say. you watch the world go by, and you start to wonder where you have been all this while. i could sit here wishing i were better in so many more ways. and for what? just so that i could be hung on that wall, in some pretty looking frame? in such a social square, i wish i could be so much more of everything. but as i step away from it all, i know that such things aren't all that important in life.
okay, where's dinner?
07:57 p.m. ][
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[ finally ]
Saturday, November 22, 2003
Finally I've got internet access. This is such a breather. Well, the trip has been great so far. We're at Hollywood right now. Santa Monica's really lovely. While I've been really loving this trip, I really miss the daily, routined life back home. Crazy huh? It's kinda tiring having to be around the same people 24/7. I kinda like having the bed to myself. Heh. Well.. I'll be home soon. To Boon and Ping, if you still read this, I'll meet up with you all when I get back! I got you guys something. :)
I've not found any Delia's or Hollister stores yet! Quite strange. But I found Victoria's Secrets and well, that moment when I first stepped into the store was quite undescribable. Heh. My heart literally stopped. :P Was shopping a little at Melrose Place.. and the stuff are to die for! Everythings so kitschy and cute. The downside is that everything's quite expensive.. so I can't get to buy all that I want to. Which, trust me, is quite a lot. I love the States man. And well, not just for the shopping. We were at Monteray the other day.. and the beaches are beautiful! I've never seen whiter sands or bluer waters.. it was just out of a dream for me. The pristine beaches, the sidewalk cafes. I love the US! But I think I've already said that. Haha. Okay.. enough raving. I gotta go soon. :)
03:58 p.m. ][
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[ first morning of snow ]
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Its the start of winter! It just began snowing this morning. The wind's really strong outside now, and the cars are covered with a thin layer of snow. Currently, we're staying over at a friend's place at Kitchener, Ontario! It's a really nice, cosy home. And the kids are still as cute.. I'll post pictures later, maybe. They're adorable! :) We're gonna send them to school later on. I think we're going to the mall later on. But it's more like one of those one-stop mega marts. We'll leave the shopping for New York. Hehe. :)
It's early, huh? Woke up at 4 plus. Totally jet-lagged man. We're about 13 hours behind Singapore time. Oh, this morning we had hot chocolate with marshmellows... YUM!! And we had a cherry, almond pie last night... I'm definitely gonna get fat. :P Sorry, Daryl. Haha... Alright. I'm gonna enjoy the rest of the morning! I can't wait to get out later! :)
07:08 p.m. ][
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[ incoherent babbling ]
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Firstly, I can't think straight right now. My mind is in shambles.. I think I'm almost done with packing. I hate packing. It frustrates me so. I always feel like I've missed something.. which I usually find out to be true at a much later time. Especially since I'm not exactly in the right mind now to focus on such details. Ugh. Oh well. I'll be flying to Ontario to meet up with some family friends, before driving down to New York. After that, I think we'll be taking a plane to San Francisco? And then there's the last stop at Hong Kong. I love Hong Kong.
The past few days have been nice. I hope I wasn't being too selfish when I wished that all the cabs would disappear and the bus to never arrive. It was always 'just one more moment' stretched far too long. But alas, I'll be away for two and a half weeks. Not a long time, but that feeling synonymous with parting is nevertheless evident. Very "yi yi bu she".. Heh. I can almost imagine what's it gonna be like there. I'll be somewhere lovely, wanting so badly to take everything in and remember everything as vividly as it appears to me.. and yet, I'll feel that strange ache within me again. Because I long so much for someone to share that moment with. It's like being on the Effiel Tower, wanting desperately to call him, to share with him all that beauty, but realizing that your handphone battery went flat. Oh well.
I'm so very tired now. We had Oral Presentation this morning. I woke up early this morning. Only to hit the snooze button right after. Got out the house in 10 minutes, but alas, the examiners were already seated there by the time I arrived. Well, fortunately, my group had yet to begin. Well, that's the ironic part. It was because our group was facing some technical difficulties. Which I feel isn't entirely our fault! I'm too tired to explain.. but yeah.
I might be able to update when I'm there. To my friends who do read this, I'll be missing you all! And you the most, mon cheri!! ;) You know I'll be missing you loads and loads!
1:10 a.m. ][
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[ autumn leaves ]
Monday, November 10, 2003
What's beautiful to you today?
Something totally unprecedented took place today. Sam and I walked out of Haagen Dazs without realizing that neither of us had foot the bill! I doubt I would have even realized it if it didn't occur to Sam like like 10 minutes ago. And you know why it's so strange? We were the only 2 customers left in Haagen Dazs and many of the staff were around, but no one noticed anything! We just.. well, walked out. I guess it didn't help that we were already in a dreamy mood and we were engrossed in our conversation that we didn't even sense something amiss after we continued to walk around after leaving the cafe. But yeah, we're gonna pay up tomorrow, so don't get all moralistic just yet. But then again, the ice-cream that gave Sam was half melted... Heh. Nah, we'll pay.
Took a walk in town after that. The streets look so much better at night. I could almost call it romantic. The night seems to "beautify" things. In fact, last night while I was cycling across a bridge above a canal, I was suddenly reminded of the canals of Amsterdam. And while I cycled past empty fields, usually strewned with plastic bags and other random trash, I suddenly imagined myself to be in the summer hills of Switzerland. How crazy is that? At night, things aren't made more beautiful. Flaws are just concealed more easily. About romantic streets, the Christmas lights are out once again. Each year, Christmas symbolizes something new. I recall previous Chrismasses, and each memory is so different from the other. Each evokes such extreme ends of emotions. But I'll save that for some time nearer to Christmas. Goodnight for now. Yuzu dreams to everyone.
2:15 a.m. ][
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[ of food and scents ]
Sunday, November 9, 2003
The pizzas went great. I'm looking forward to baking them again! Maybe I'll experiment with different toppings. It's rather fun, actually.. since they aren't too difficult to make. Although I'm not sure how to get the crust all thin and crispy just yet. Jeanette's group made apple crumble pie.. I can never resist a good apple crumble pie. Sweeet.
I went night cycling around my neighbourhood today. I almost forgot how much I loved cycling as a child. Because of certain, erm, not so nice experiences, I lost my enthusiasm for cycling for a long time. It was great capturing these moments once again, of being alone, exploring new paths and places, always finding something new. But having said that, it'll be fun cycling with another person too. Hmm. 3 years ago, I used to cycle more often. Mostly because I was going through bouts of well, not quite depression, but something almost similar maybe? So yeah, whenever you feel like crying, pick up your bike and go cycling instead. Cut off from your world and alone in the night, you realize that you can finally cry without inhibitions, without having to or even being able to wipe those tears away. And your tears flow, as naturally as the wind sweeps them from your cheek. It's one of the most uplifting experiences for a downtrodden spirit.
Well, that's not descriptive of tonight though. When I got home, I took a hot shower.. and used my new Yuzu soap and whipped cream! It smells delicious and feels divine on my skin. My entire room smells of citrus fruits right now. I like lathering myself with whipped cream (not the food, the body butter).. It'll be nice cosying up under a blanket right about now. :)
02:10 a.m. ][
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[ mon coeur qui bat ]
Friday, November 7, 2003
The final semester at school has come to a close. It's been a strange year, for lack of a better word. I wonder how it feels like to lead a life without regrets. It must be a really difficult but satisfying one. Well, dinner was at Olio Dome tonight. It was disappointing, as usual. The nicest part of the meal was probably the fruit tea. Hmm, but I'd rather not be too critical.. or at least publically! Because this Saturday, my friends and I will be making pizzas! Haha, wonder how those will turn out.. in comparison to the "pizzas" at Olio Dome. Heh.
Oh! I've just learnt my first French song (i think frere jacques doesn't count, heh). Quite naturally, it's La Vie En Rose! But I'm very slow in delivering the lyrics since I'm mostly trying to process it in my mind first.
Quand il me prend dans ses bras,
il me parle tous bas,
je vois la vie en rose
Il me dit des mots d'amour
des mots de tous les jours
et ca m'fait quelque chose
Il est entre dans mon coeur
une parte de bonheur
dont je connais le cause
C'est lui pour moi,
moi pour lui dans la vie
il me l'a dit, l'a jure pour la vie
Et que des je l'appercois
alors je sense en moi
mon coeur qui bat.
I'm veering close to sounding overly cheesy here, but it's been a really great night. :) C'est toi pour moi, moi pour toi dans la vie!
01:40 a.m. ][
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[ La Vie En Rose ]
Thursday, November 6, 2003
Caught Jeux D'enfants at the French film fest with Evita and Daniel after class today. It was quirky and romantic, one of the sweetest, yet not overly cheesy movies I've watched in a long time. Very whismical, very surreal. I especially love the last few scenes, when Julien finally tells Sophie, "je t'aime..", and they kiss. And with that kiss, the movie goes back to all the significant moments of their lives together.. this time showing them kissing for each of these moments. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself clearly.. but yeah, it was just really, really sweet and I found myself tearing. The love they shared was so true, so raw, so violent with passion. But at the end of the day, love is about holding his wrinkled hand, kissing that same pair of lips you kissed 50 years ago, giving your heart to him for even more years to come. Oh, and I adored the soundtrack for the movie as well. It had different versions of "La Vie En Rose"! I remember being in a metro in Paris, and this guy was playing La Vie En Rose on his accordian. Yes, It was wonderful, that feeling of bliss, just being in Paris and having La Vie En Rose played.. it was such a movie-moment! Which is why, till today, I love this song. :) Anyway, apparently the movie's gonna get a commerical release! So be sure to catch it everyone! :)
12:47 a.m. ][
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[ A nenia to the yesteryears ]
Tuesday, November 4, 2003
Thanks to Web Archives, I've managed to dig up some of my old web journals. These are sites I've totally forgotten about. There's my blackglass.org/dirt account. I wrote really crazy stuff in there, most of which might not seem to make sense to anyone right now. These are stuff way back, about 2 years ago! Haha. It's interesting to know how much I've changed since then. There's also my nenia.diaryland.com account, which I've clean forgotten about! All these memories.. it's strange, because I feel like I'm reading a stranger's journal instead of my own.
This is fun. Tonight, I shall just surf archived websites that can no longer be found on the internet! This is so nostalgic!! I feel like I'm 12 all over again, getting all excited by HTML. Haha. I'm gonna try and dig up more sites which I used to frequent. :)
11:25 p.m. ][
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[ more about nightmares! ]
Monday, November 3, 2003
The past few nights have been so nightmarish. Saturday night was a nightmare of a totally different scale. Goths and ghouls invaded Daniel's place, wrecking havoc especially so in his bedroom. Sorry Daniel. :) And I've realized that it's not so much the vodka which gets me high, it's being around my crazy classmates. Unfortunately, I didn't look very scary that night! I was more preppy goth (me on the right, in one of the less incriminating and embarrasing photos.) than spine-chilling goth. I shall never attempt to look goth again. And to think I had wanted to emulate that look some years ago.. what in the world possessed me to have such an idea? Goodbye fishnets!
Well, of course, the other 'nightmare' is project work. It's terrible having to do any ounce of work after the exams! But I guess I might just be one of the laziest students alive. Today I missed the bus to school, because I was reading at the bus stop. Okaay, so that's not too bad, right? Well, after I got on the bus, I missed my stop at Holland Road!! So while I could have got to school in 45 minutes, I took, what? And hour and a half? I'm such a klutz.
Anyway, on a totally different subject matter, I think God really works in strange ways. It is all very real, and I don't think I can shroud myself in feigned ignorance or indifference anymore.
06:57 p.m. ][
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[ death`s nightmare ]
Friday, October 31, 2003
Have you ever had a nightmare that left you crying, even when you awoke from it? That was pretty traumatic. And its strange, because last night, my dreams were continuous throughout, despite the many times I got up from bed, washed my face and all. Usually the subsequent dreams won't link with the previous ones if I awake up in the middle of it. But this was one continuous nightmare! Each time I got up, consoling myself that it was 'just a dream' and that I'm safe to go back to sleep, I would be cast into that very same nightmare.
I was kinda afraid that it would be some premonition or something. Kind of silly, but I was pretty traumatized. Sigh. I hope that nightmare never becomes reality. :(
12:58 p.m. ][
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[ lighten up squirt! ]
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
there is a (rather) common belief that 'top-notch' schools breed snooty, cavalier students. well in my case, going to raffles has been much more of a humbling experience than anything else. at times, i can barely meet the minimum expectations, and at best, i hover in mediocrity. i don't know, i think maybe time passed me by too quickly, i was too caught up in frivolous activities that i lost all focus. along the way, i forgot why i even bothered to go to raffles in the first place. anyway, i'll not drop maths. (it pains me to say this) who knows, i might get better at it. and once that happens, i'll probably hate it less. unimaginable now, but if i don't try, i'll never know. a hackneyed saying, but one which gives me a glimmer of hope. and really, hope in any form would do me good right now. don't get me wrong, i'm not the sort to brood over my results, i seldom remember them anyway. anyhow, time is nemesis. well, alongside with my laziness and lack of motivation, of course. since time is unconquerable, that leaves me with the daunting task of fighting the evils of my mind and leaving behind all the fun i've had this year. ok, i take that back. not all. :P but seriously, i've bummed around for a year already, and i'm thinking all this talk about working harder seems to be merely theoretical and idealistic. we'll see, i guess.
okay, i shan't get all too serious now. afterall, as Thom Yorke sang.. today is the first day of the rest of your days, so lighten up, squirt! in a way, that's true. while i realize the seriousness of my lack of discipline this year, i know that life's not all about getting 4As and 2 distinctions. my future's not entirely dependant on such issues. i think as jc students, we've just been psyched into thinking that we'll only have a future if we excel in this rigid education system, which is quite conducive for 'muggers', but not so for the rest of us. not like my opinion matters to anyone, but i just think that the world out there is much bigger that we believe it to be. having said that, i've made a choice earlier on this year, and ultimately, i should just stick with it instead of whining, and er, mug like jc students are supposed to. who knows, it might work. it's time to let out the closet geek in me! haha! :P
4:20 p.m. ][
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[ somnolent ]
Friday, October 24, 2003
amber through broken walls, the storm marches on quietly.
the night drifts on, a sweet and lingering path.
today was nice.
03:01 a.m. ][
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[ Digital Bath ]
Thursday, October 23, 2003
..and tonight, i feel like more tonight..
2:00 a.m. ][
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[ American History X ]
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
My past entry about American History X disappeared from the face of the Internet! GRRRRRRRRRR. And I was raving about the movie and everything! And now it's gone. I'll say this now and I'll say it clear. THIS IS SUCKS.
American History X. Derek and Danny. I keep thinking about them. I even had a dream about them the night or so before. I dreamt of that closing scene. Of blood and violence, of humanity. Ed Norton, Ed Norton, Ed Norton. I also watched Pulp Fiction yesterday! (Okay, I know I'm slow here) Great movie again. It's funny, it's witty and it's just violence with style.
Today I had a glimpse of what to expect in the week ahead. I've only been given 'that look' a few times in my life. And it's never been for a good reason. It just makes me want to either rip my heart out or just stare back blankly while forcing a smile. But that's okay. I know what I deserve and I won't be too sore about it knowing that I didn't give it my best shot. I WILL work harder next year.
I had wanton (desires) mee for dinner today. Ahhh love that stuff. Had a great time talking about Pulp Fiction and quoting lines from the movie. Haha. :) Okay. I'm gonna try to find my lost entries now. My entry about American History X and God. Heh.
12:08 a.m. ][
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[ Of Passion ]
Saturday, October 18, 2003
There's something about sitting here, some three thirty am in the morning, just enjoying the night, recollecting the events of the day, listening to yes, that wonderful piece of music again. That Por Una Cabeza which stirs my heart into strange flights of fancy, which impassions me to dream myself into a world so different from that I'm in. Oh well. Maybe I just need to get some sleep.
4:10 a.m. ][
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[ Por Una Cabeza ]
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Added a pop-up for individual entry comments! So do utilise it, yeah? :) I figured that guestbooks are passe now.. so up onto the bandwagon I go. Okay, that was cheesy.
Such a decadent, enjoyable day. Dinner was delicious, dessert was even better. :) Mm, just watched Scent of a Woman! Now I really want to tango, to Por Una Cabeza, no less! Better still, with a silver haired, debonair of a gentleman a la Frank Slade. Such a charmer. And one who definitely knows how he likes his women. And hey, that's a desirable trait, y'hear! Sigh, the whole movie's just plain charming.. I just love it! From the tango, to the wonderful Ferrari corvette scene, to remarkable drama in Frank's monologue. Gotta give credit to Al Pacino.. guess he didn't get that Oscar for nothing eh. Well, obviously. Anyway, I'm so excited! I borrowed several other VCDs to watch! There really shouldn't be an econs paper this Monday. It's awful to spoil one's weekend like that. Okay, anyway, today was wonderful. It makes me smile and thus, I shan't be bitter. :) By the way, I adore, adore, adore Por Una Cabeza! It's passionate, romantic and whismical.. And yes, one day I shall tango to it. :)
3:15 a.m. ][
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[ Thomas Est Amoureux! ]
Friday, October 17, 2003
So, the exams are almost over. Maths today was just really sad. But I expected it anyway, so in that sense I was pretty prepared to sit there for 3 hours feeling like a total idiot. It's not like I don't care; I do. I hate the fact that I don't feel a sense of achievement after a paper. But such disappointments are better left under a mien of indifference. In a way, its a self-defensive mode I switch to. It's easy to laugh things off, but at the end of the day, it doesn't feel good at all.
The electricity supply at home was cut off temporarily this afternoon. The repair work outside, the constant hammering and drilling directly outside my window, didn't help that throbbing in my head at all. So yes, I was without electricity, without TV or computer, without any air conditioning while I tried to get some sleep in the stale, humid heat of mid-day.
Okay, that was some really useless whining. It just goes to show how dependant I am on all these "luxuries". Anyhow, on to the better part of the day, I watched Thomas Est Amoureux this evening. I swear, everything sounds so good in french! Yep, vulgarities and all. My french isn't too good, which is probably why I'm still able to say cheesy cliches like, "oh french sounds soo lovely" because most of what I hear, I don't understand. Ooh, anyway, surprisingly, I managed to get in! Maybe it's the coy smile, or my new BB gel-liner (yes! I bought it today!).. either way, all that could have deterred me was a slight look of disdain on his face. Now that wasn't too bad, eh? :) Anyway, it was pretty enjoyable and yeah, interesting all round. An agoraphobe, a dating service, "special services" for the handicapped, video poetry, cybersex suits.. yeah, it was pretty interesting alright. But well, I doubt all of that's far-fetched at all. It's scary, but fortunately for us, there are some things that can never be replaced by technology. ;)
1:08 a.m. ][
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