This is all so difficult! I would have to make my decision by Wednesday. That leaves me three days to really consider which path to take in this intimidating decision of choosing a junior college! As such, the hot topic for the next few days would be the O level results and the option of staying in my present college (which i love and have grown so comfortable in) and transferring to one which has always been my ideal school, one which is academically superior (is it all that matters? will it really give me a better environment to excel in? and yet it promises so many opportunities) If I choose the latter, I would have to face the reactions of my schoolmates and teachers. "But I thought you loved it here" , "so now that you've done better, you want to leave!". The whole stayer and quitter controversy is ringing in my mind! This is strange. Okay, so I realized that after much contemplation, I'm thrown back into square one! I really pray that somehow God will show me which college is best for me and that no matter what my choice is, I would eventually learn to stick with it and live through it without any regrets!
Thursday, February 27, 2003 10:21 p.m.
It's true. I confess. I'm a shoe fanatic, I'm obsessive over shoes! First it was the M)phosis lace up heels. I went to four different outlets in less than 2 hours just to find a pair. Of course, as fate would have it, that particular pair was out of stock- nationwide! How I got them a few days later is another story.. :) And as for the past 2 days, I've been scouting around for a particular model of Skecher sneakers! Went to various outlets, called up some of them - but nope, I don't even think that model is available in Singapore. I can only drool over it on the internet! I hate the fact that I have to settle for something I like less, when what I want is somewhere out there..even if it's half way across the globe. Haha. Because of shoes, I've been through the extreme ends of human emotion- frustration, anxiety, euphoria and what not.
I'm exaggerating. But I still want my Skechers!! Anyhow, I discovered this lovely antiques shop today. I'm in love with everything they have there- from lampshades with pressed flowers to beautiful vintage jewelry. What stole my heart was an antique watch. It has a delicate, small face, with little faux (or real, maybe?) diamonds embedded around it. Hmm, don't know how else to describe it but it's not one of those modern looking, sleek and shiny watches. Well, it's not a very good idea to get into antique watches though. These precious babies don't come cheap!
Tuesday, February 25, 2003 11:10 p.m.
Even though we missed what was my favourite part of the play, it was wonderful performing tonight. The audience was fantastic, very responsive, very sweet! And they loved our play! Despite the slight hiccups, they loved it! It's just that I feel sore about missing the part where my character goes hysterical. Well, it's over. Anyway, I love being in drama. I've been wanting to join drama since secondary school, but couldn't cause of a clash with my french classes. Oh well! I love my classmates and my drama friends! They gave us flowers. So sweet of them. YAY. Ugh. Anyway, my voice is dying.. shall sleep soon.
Friday, February 21, 2003 11:48 p.m.
It's been a really good week! I'm a happy girl. Dinner treat at Fish and Cos from my darling form teacher, drama, better than expected test results, surviving PE (and liking it a little more each time), Thursday, despite a lousy dinner and dessert, but a time well spent.. and so much more I could be thankful of!
Sunday, February 16, 2003 12:46 a.m.
In line with Valentine's Day is another beautiful poem.
Night Thoughts by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Stars, you are unfortunate, I pity you,
Beautiful as you are, shining in your glory,
Who guide seafaring men through stress and peril
And have no recompense from gods or mortals,
Love you do not, nor do you know what love is.
Hours that are aeons urgently conducting
Your figures in a dance through the vast heaven,
What journey have you ended in this moment,
Since lingering in the arms of my beloved
I lost all memory of you and midnight.
Sweet, isn't it? I had a lovely Valentine's Day. I'm far from what you might call mushy but I do like Valentine's Day for all it's worth. Roses, presents, dinner, dessert, et cetera. Everything that makes a girl melt, I love. So thanks again sweets, you're the best. :) Stayed at Marriot for the night (parents got a free room! joy!) and ended the long day with a nice, hot bubble bath. Almost fell asleep while soaking in there, only that would be quite dangerous.
Just got home from my classmate's party. Had fun listening to them on the guitar while singing along, listening to bossanova (and Metallica. why we were listening to Metallica?!) and of course, sharing ghosts stories. I managed to scare myself silly and thus behaved like a total airhead. Had fun at the playground, doing silly things like playing childhood games such as "Blind Man's Buff". I do like my classmates quite a bit. They're a fun bunch! Oh well. SLEEP BECKONS! Abrupt ending but who cares.
Wednesday, February 12, 2003 12:44 a.m.
I had such a long, long day! PE in the morning zapped me of all my energy. I was left breathless with a sharp pain in my chest- I swear I saw death flash across my very eyes! This is what happens when you miss two weeks of mass PE. Note to self: remember to bring PE shorts next time! With such a "splendid" start to my day, inevitably, I was feeling tired and damn lousy till school ended at 4. Had to stay back for Drama rehearsals afterwhich. I'm TIRED, it's written all over my face! Ended off the day at one of our senior's place for our senior/junior party. What's with all the Bollywood dance moves? I need to learn how to Bhangra! And yes, everything Indian is suddenly so hip. Think The Guru and you're on the right track to mind blowing moves!
On a closing note, I am so glad that tomorrow's a public holiday!! My limbs are crying out in pain already! Till then, world.
Monday, February 10, 2003 09:23 p.m.
Am I really an exhibitionist at heart? Who can tell me what my purposes are? So I sit here, thinking about nothing in general, nothing worth penning down. It's been a rather long time since I last studied for an exam, or a test for that matter. It strikes me as awkward that I should have to sit down and commit myself to studying for tomorrow's geography test! Studying just hasn't found it's way into my lifestyle as yet. My system seems to reject any form of studying as if it were a foreign body injected and forced into my blood!
Sunday, February 9, 2003 12:20 a.m.
Yes, I love this. I can't describe it, I can't pin-point what is it exactly that I like about the poem. Yet, the first time I read it, I felt a strange, inexplicable ache. Just something to share.
Love Sonnet LXXIX
By night, Love, tie your heart to mine, and the two
together in their sleep will defeat the darkness
like a double drum in the forest, pounding
against the thick wall of wet leaves.
Night travel: black flame of sleep
that snips the threads of the earth's grapes,
punctual as a headlong train that would haul
shadows and cold rocks, endlessly.
Because of this, Love, tie me to a purer motion,
to the constancy that beats in your chest
with the wings of a swan underwater,
so that our sleep might answer all the sky's
starry questions with a single key,
with a single door the shadows had closed.
Pablo Neruda
Wednesday, February 5, 2003 10:46 p.m.
I don't think I can keep up with the whole online journal/blog (not just this one, but previous ones that I've had) that I've been occuping myself with for the past, what? Three years? Although I usually enjoy writing about absolutely nothing (realize that that's mostly what I've been doing for the past year here on nosebleed..), I just don't think I can continue doing it. Maybe I'm just too tired of the whole blog scene. Maybe I just don't think I can churn out anymore crap. Maybe I just don't want to churn out anymore crap. But you know, we'll see. Anything might happen.
Sometimes I miss the times when I, in anonymity, chronicled a great deal of my life in a little space I culled for myself. I was but a faceless individual floating in the vast territories of the internet. It was fun, being able to pour out my soul to an inanimate object, to the computer, but essentially to strangers across the web. The only thing that deters one from posting the sob story of her life is the risk that someone you know in real life might accidently (or not) stumble upon it. So I excused myself from my Livejournal (now you know..), in which I used to rant and rave about everything and anything, like most other girls my age then. I don't write anything intimate online anymore. No more long, boring yet occasionally juicy accounts of my life..
I forgot what I wanted to say. Oh yes. Uh. I think I need to, as the metaphor goes, "shed the old skin". Renegenerate. Metamorphosize. Transfigure. (I'm having a brain freeze.) This is my cue, I should stop here before I start spouting more rubbish! I'm very tired. Got home at eight plus today. No, I hardly see daylight. It's dark when I get to school and when I leave.
JUST A GIRL, LEARNING ABOUT HERSELF, LOVE AND LIFE IN GENERAL. AS I EMBRACE LIFE, I SEEK SOLACE IN GOD, IN LOVE, MUSIC, LITERATURE AND NATURE AROUND ME. THIS WEBLOG DOES NOT ENCAPSULATE MY LIFE, NOR THE PERSON I AM. THIS IS WHERE I SPEAK OF THE ORDINARY FIREWORKS IN MY LIFE, OR SOMETIMES JUST NOTHING IN GENERAL.
